wobbly sparkling light

oh children. they are small and pink and curly-haired. to win my heart they must wobble past on unsteady short legs and grant be a brief sparkling smile. I find myself wanting to offer their mother some kind of explanation as I follow their child with an grin of undiluted joy overtaking my face. mostly [...]

it’s okay to think, I promise

stopping to think is simultaneously the best and worst thing I can do.
at night, or in the early morning, if I think about all there is to do the next day my heart will race, my eyes won’t close and I can’t breathe properly. I have to call on my practiced techniques to calm my [...]

excuse me, could you please listen?

excuse me but would you listen to me for a moment?
this is silly, really it’s very silly, but you see it’s been the whole day now and I haven’t heard from him.
that’s okay I guess, only I haven’t seen him for a week either.
it makes me nervous and shaky.
I feel hungry but I don’t want [...]

this human heart.

please be my friend. I admire you. I think you’re funny. I want to know you. you have a good time all the time. let’s have inside jokes and coffee dates.
please say hi. please know me. please want to know me. I’m funny too. I have a good time too. I want you to know [...]

countdown to landing

day one:
minor signs of alienation are already apparent. don’t let it get to you. they have a shared history, time together before you. don’t let it get to you. it’s not about you. it’s not meant to hurt you. you cannot control the lives and actions of others. you cannot expect them to be like [...]

calm down.

I’m sitting on a realistic rock structure in caterpillar park. the mild breeze is causing my eyes to water. I’m trying hard not to cry.  it’s strange. I feel guilty in my frustration.
I am constantly struck, over and over, by the realization that I have no right to cry. that I am such a rich, [...]

sometimes

sometimes I am busy, and my time is effectively annd logically spent, and I do not miss you.
sometimes I have little to do, and my day is spent without logic and mostly with food and words and music and I miss you a bit.
sometimes I have everything to do but I am paralyzed without you [...]

nighttime outside hours

it’s too lovely outside to be in here.
let’s leave.
let’s all run out of the doors up into the hills and never look back.
we can climb trees and watch the stars dance slowly across the dark sky.
I want to dance and sing with you.
let’s put on sneakers and run outside and play.
we’ll go so far away [...]

unighted

united
you nighted
you knighted
united the peasants struck out at the tyrannical lord.
you knighted them. gave them hope and reason to fight. granted self-pride, self-awareness.
did you grant this power? or did you create opportunities for them to find it within themselves?
united them in a common cause.
brought them together to work towards something more.

love me back

Please stop talking as though the people around you care about your life or your ideas. You are cruel and concerned with trivial matters. Irrelevancy is somehow and emergency and it makes me want to hate you. Instead I just feel sad. I don’t care how you slept last night or that your sorority is [...]