reassurance

hello Mom.
No, I spoke to him yesterday. He has to work. I won’t see him for a few weeks yet. Doesn’t matter, as he sleeps on the couch here anyway. I’ll be busy, maybe he will too. Don’t worry, I’m not so serious. I’m in school, Mom. Studying, reading, writing. There’s time later, and he [...]

alone

chilly feet try to press against warm soft calves that aren’t there.
a lonely back curls up to tuck next to a comforting torso.
it touches empty space and blankets.
all this  pillow for one.
nowhere to put arms longing to hold.
so much room in this long narrow bed.

friends

I want so badly to be her friend.
to hug and smile and laugh.
I want it more than money, more than success.
I want women friends to share it with.
are you making friends?
you’re supposed to.
have a good time with your friends.
go. do it. now.
someday you’ll die.

take a number, have your order ready.

pretty girls have sex.
plain girls get married first.
strong girls strike out on their own.
weak girls need a man to hold them close, tell them what to do, who to be.
it doesn’t have to be like that.
you can be any kind of who.
it disintegrates to life in general everytime, no matter how it begins.

and I love him.

there’s this boy or man or guy or male or person or human and I love him.
he is tall and strong and blue-eyed and bespectacled and blonde and I love him.
he wears clothes that are sometimes gross and sometimes so handsome and I love him.
he drives all these different cars that mostly don’t work right [...]

his, oh so good.

I lost my music player for a few days to find it in my boyfriend’s back pocket.
new music fills my ears when I put in headphones and power up.
he removed and saved my old playlist, then replaced it with one of his own.
most of the songs are a proclamation from him to the world, shouting, [...]

power

up all night clicking straining crying away.
change the music, open your eyes.
make it to class and turn in the night’s labor.
unwashed hair,  unwashed face, unwashed clothes.
the power of accomplishment:
I have never felt more beautiful.

make me

tick screaM break kick plan dance cry freak jump dive
crAwl ache ring sing bring thinK speak breathe feel touch
leap call crunch run pass share work make rEst fall
love sob hate laugh punch crash eat bite take steal
scratch twist sheild Mock braid tie text send get bakE
broil tan read write skip jog [...]

the wood.

a mistake was made.
it does happen, but not to us.
never to us.
I know it hurts. we bleed together. I feel every stab that pierces your heart.
we saw him as he was reaching the edge of the thorny dark wood.
he looked back only for a moment, when he thought no one was watching.
that’s when it happened.
snarled [...]

keeping opinions

we all have our opinions.
they are easy to keep in mind, they’re ours.
it’s harder to keep in mind that none of them are wrong, by their very nature as opinions.
what’s wrong is that some of them have stronger influences accoding to the volume of the mouthpiece.
I am young, I am unsure.
my convictions are not  yet [...]